Thursday, August 09, 2007

Dogs, Undergrad City, and Life as a solo girl

Back to undergrad city last night with a stop on the way to visit GB and DA. Actually, mainly to see the office dog who has cancer; she is on good pain meds now and if you didn't know she was sick you wouldn't be able to tell (well, except for the vomit when the pain meds upset her tummy). This is a huge improvement over 4 weeks ago when GB and DA thought she was in her last days. Too many tears during that trip to old city. Even though it may have been the last time I will see office dog, it wasn't as sad to say good-bye because she was doing so much better. We take our cues from the pet and she is looking good.

Upon arrival in undergrad city, I was greeted by 2 more dogs---who I am sure will be very happy that I am staying home with them today while MrBig goes to work. I'm experienced at mid-day doggie naps and find it to be a perfect working environment. It doesn't contribute to productivity much; however it does remind me of kindergarten days and afternoon nap time.

In other news related to MrBig: we have plans for the next 3 months to see each other for few days here and there. We have been talking about holidays as well. Solo girl that I am, surprisingly thinking into the future isn't scaring me that much. Maybe it is because I know that he lives several hundred miles away. However, I think that even if we lived in the same location this time it wouldn't be making me run. Maybe this time we will get it right; and we just were not meant to be together in our twenties. It's hard to figure out which one of us has changed more; however other times I look at MrBig and think to myself that we haven't changed at all. I don't know for certain about MrBig but I know that in my twenties, I wasn't meant to be with anyone, just couldn't do it... but not for lack of trying. If anyone had had a chance back then it would have been MrBig but I didn't let anyone get that chance.

Have I changed that much now that I am in my thirties? In some ways, I am a completely different person. The career goals or grad school goals that were convenient excuses 10 years ago to stay out of relationships (or even good excuses to use to get out of a relationship once I was in it) are gone. I'm doing what I love, no dreams or wishes to change that. But have I become such a solo girl that there isn't any room for someone else? MrBig kind of takes up a lot of space. I'm not sure yet and one of the nice things is that I'm not getting any pressure to decide that right now because MrBig has some similar questions about himself as well. So where does that leave us? ....spending some time together and enjoying each others company and for right now the fact that we live hundreds of miles apart isn't the issue du jour. I'm looking forward to the next 4 days of life in undergrad city. More updates and thoughts to follow....

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