I've known MrBig for almost 20 years-we either met in the laundry room of our college dorm or perhaps it was at a band party (yes, I was a band geek), each of us recalls a different meeting. The early years of our aquaintance was dotted with undergraduate cat and mouse games, never really together as a couple but not really apart either. We each had our seperate circles of friends and made the requisite rounds of parties and dating. Sometimes finding each other at the same party, we remained friends. I nearly failed calculus my first semester of college and MrBig tried to convince me to go to class (or at least open the book); but I was in love with my new found freedom and the D I earned in that class wasn't all that tramatic (I was rather proud I was able to pass considering the complete lack of effort.) MrBig took school much more seriously than I and I am sure he has a significantly higher GPA as result. We didn't see each other much the last year of college, but very soon into my first semester of grad school I got a snail mail letter from MrBig who was also in grad school in a nearby state. We never saw each other that year and it was a difficult year for me--I lost my dad and barely managed to pull high enough grades to transfer back to a grad program at my undergrad u.
Back in undergrad u city, I resumed my carefree bar frequenting lifestyle and one night I was in my favorite hangout drinking with friends when I ran into MrBig. He had left his grad program, moved back home, and found a job in undergrad city. We started seeing each other but never could really keep it together. Circumstance always seemed to be against us. We found each other again shortly before I left for a year abroad. I even spent my last 5 weeks living with MrBig before I hopped on the plane. That summer was strained. (that's the nicest word I can choose to describe it). It was long year away, but I gave him a second chance when I got home and moved in for a few weeks. Things started out well, but ended up off track again. By the time I moved into my own place, it was over and my heart was broken.
Three months later, I met someone else at a halloween party. Shortly after that MrBig started calling, sending cards, and leaving notes. By this point, I was not going to fall for it again, the pattern was clear to me--he seemed to only want me when I wasn't available and when I was available his actions didn't match his words. That year I got 5 cards for Valentine's Day (and none of them were from the person I was dating). Over the next several years, I didn't see or talk to MrBig. I moved out of state and dated another for almost 4 years. However, a few years later I was back in large city close to undegrad city and ran into MrBig again. A few friendly outings, a camping trip and some movies but nothing more at this time. We both met other people and went our separate ways--I went back to school and he got married.
Fast forward a few more years--I'm now Dr. Statgirl and in another state and he is divorced-- we talk by email but see each other rarely. Emails fly back and forth and a lunch happens here and then a visit there. We visit each other (now that we live states away) and pretend the mutual attraction isn't there. But it is.
Why will this work now when it wouldn't work before? Considering we couldn't make this work when we lived in close proximity, aren't we the most likely candidates for failure at a distance relationship? But MrBig and I keep coming back together....
We recently spent 3 days together at the beach. We talked more than we ever have before and we are going to try to make a long distance relationship work. I'm amazed that MrBig is looking at my current location as a possibility for his future--I never thought he would move away from the area of undergrad city. The more we talk I'm finding that my perceptions of MrBig have often been incorrect. I think he is finding the same to be true about some of his perceptions of me as well.
"Men are the like the New York Time sunday Crossword puzzle--tricky, complicated, and you're never really sure you got the right answer." --Carrie Bradshaw