Saturday, June 03, 2006

Back from the beach

4 days since I'm back from the beach and it's finally time to get a summer routine going. Summer school starts next week and I am suddenly very aware of how little time I have left in Midwest city. Rarely do I start anticipating the end even before the beginning; however, this time the clock is ticking for me. After 8 years in the same place, I'm leaving. New town, new job, new faces, new routines, and new house.
On the house front all is well, inspection scheduled for next week, mortgage approved, and I only panic about finances once or twice a day (down from the 10 or 20 times a day right after I made the offer). Still need to find insurance and hire a moving company but the list of tasks is managable at the moment.
The real question of the moment is why does change cause me so much stress? I realize that changing jobs and moving are on the top 5 stressors of all time for most people, but I seem to get stuck on the details more than most and get anxious at the wrong times. I have dreams about things that are so NOT likely to happen --like finding out my new job suddenly just isn't there or losing my cat during the move. Stress does weird things to my brain.
The beach was good, relaxing for me in general; althought not quite the same with my friends. We are growing apart in some ways and taking different paths. I am concerned about one friend and was so close to talking to her about it at about 4 different points during the trip but could never bring myself to open my mouth. So now I feel like a terrible friend because I think the real reason I didn't say anything is that I don't want to add anything more to my plate to deal with at the moment. I know it would be a big can of worms. So now am I a terrible and selfish friend?


phd me said...

Good news about the house! And I'm right there with you on stressing about finances. I've stopped looking at my checkbook for fear of hyperventilation.

I think change just affects everyone differently - and then there are different types of change. I am SO ready to change my location that the actual move isn't stressing me out at all. Moving to start a real, grown-up, people-are-going-to-call-me-professor-and-mean-it job is exceptionally stressful. So, uou're having bad dreams and I'm living in some sort of fugue state, where nothing gets down and I can't seem to care.

And, no, you aren't a terrible person for not talking to your friend. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself and this is one of those times - as you said, new town, new job, new faces, new routines AND new house. You have so much to deal with right now, it's okay to let friends take care of themselves for a bit.

sheepish said...

What she said. You've got so much on your plate right now. Now is one of the most stressful times in your life, and you need to make sure this transition goes well. Good luck!

RageyOne said...

Congrats on the house front! I hope all goes well with the inspection.

Change is stressful. I hope you experience calm soon.

On the friend front, I think it is important to take care of you. If that is something that you can't deal with at the present time, then so be it. It will resolve itself in due time.

Seeking Solace said...

What everyone else said. You need to focus your energy on you right now. Sometimes what appears to be a small issue for a friend can suck the life out of you.

Anonymous said...

Quit being so damn hard on yourself. To wit:

1) There is no correct way to be anxious. You said you were getting anxious about the "wrong things." WTF? You're anxious. Period. You get to be anxious however it is *you* get anxious.

2) If your friend needs support then she/he should effin ask for it. It is not your responsibility to read someone's mind/heart and then intervene. Yes, good friends reach out to each other, but you were in her/his presence. This *is* "being there for her/him", rather literally, no?

You are doing the best you can, during an excruciatingly stressful time. Give yourself a break, already.